What is suicide and sacrifice all about? Is it about
Vigilance vs. Terrorism? More than 30,000 Americans chose
suicide each year. What happened to them?
Tuesday, February 17,
2004—Ground Zero Plus 888
Suicide Or Sacrifice?
Are They Same or Different
GROUND ZER0, New York, N.Y.--Feb 17, 2004 -- The older I get, the more
I look at death's many options. Suicide is one of them.
Sacrificing that option and living life to its brutal, unintentionally
snipped end, is another. As long, that is, as there's a pot of
gold at the end of the storm's rainbow.
It's not uncommon or morbid to
make plans about eventuality of death. Today, a prudent parent in
planning his or her estate includes whether they want the plug pulled
in case they end up on the brain dead side of life, or the cost and
pain of keeping them alive exceeds the quality of life they proscribe.
I've thought about death a lot
I have lived
in the ashes and graves of the deaths from Nine Eleven
struggling to get back to life. Part of me has been dead
for a long time. Some say it is because I have lived in
the ashes and graves of the deaths of 3,000 victims from the World
Trade Center for 888 days and nights, never letting up on my quest to
alert the parents and the world of the dangers of the Beast of Terror.
Some say I have buried myself. That
I'm suffocating myself on the false belief that what I have to say has
some impact on the world, that it might bring about a change in human
behavior sufficient to defeat Terrorism's impact on the Children's
I've thought about those charges.
I've wondered if they are true.
Facts suggest my battle to "bring life out
of death" has been lost. Examples: Few if any
responses to my website find their way to me. After approaching
three years of daily publication, I can count on one hand the number
of donations received, and those were goaded with one or two
exceptions by me.
It has been economically suicidal, to
say the least.
Still, I fight.
My friends who care about me, and are
tired of me holding out my hands to them seeking alms or goading them
to buy the dwindling artifacts my wife offer for sale, see me
wasting my time and talents on an unrealistic, unproductive
(economically), unrecognized effort to rally people around a
Some of my
friends have called me self destructive
have graphically likened my actions to that of hanged man, swinging in
the wind, victim of a self-imposed noose around my neck slowly tightening.
They claim I am self-destructive. And that my incessant desire
to teach and promote Vigilance at the expense of earning enough money
to pay the rent and put food on the table (and, of course, to pay the
cable t.v. bill), is simply a blind, a shield to avoid confrontations
with the "real world."
They say I am committing economic
suicide and self-worth suicide which can and often does lead to
One could argue, of course, that I am
sacrificing myself for a greater cause.
Unfortunately, there are no statistics for this ailment.
It could be argued that instead of suicide--the act of taking away or
robbing life through untimely, self-imposed death--that I'm giving
back to life at the expense of life's necessities. That what
little I have left in material goods is not as important as the values
I believe need to be embossed into the daily lives of us all.
In other words, I could be sacrificing the reality of life for the
illusion of it, that by giving back more than expected, even at one's
own expense, one becomes richer than one can imagine.
It is a paradox--Suicide or
Sacrifice? Delusion versus Illusion. Reality
I am living a
Sacrifice? That's a lofty term. Were it not for my
wife's support, I would deny what I'm doing as a Sacrifice.
But my wife is as much a believer in Vigilance as I, and we hum the
same tune about the value of the VigilanceVoice, even though it has
few readers and no economic support.
It is easy for me to see how she has
sacrificed herself and many of her needs and wants to believe in it.
She edits the pieces daily and beautifies the words with pictures, as
well as writes the wonderful stories in Sophia's Wisdom, geared to
It has concerned me that whenever I
speak of stopping the publication, or chucking it to focus on
something else, she runs to rescue of the VigilanceVoice, as though I
were talking about chopping up our grandchildren and selling their
body parts to some anatomy school.
I listen to her intently.
She knows something I do not.
She knows that killing the
VigilanceVoice is an act of suicide not a measure of sacrifice.
Such a death would be the wasteful abuse of life, assuming words and
thoughts placed in communications have a life of their own.
In 2002, 30,646 people in America took
their own lives. Their ability to communicate hope of any
kind has been eternally snuffed. The U.S. suicide stats are nearly twice as many as homicide
victims (about 17,000 of them last year).
Each year, 2.4 million people die of all
causes. Death happens. So does life.
Just over 4 million live births are recorded. Life trumps
death in numbers.
So, I think about life in terms of death,
as many do. I wonder if life will die in the living, as it seems
to have in parts of me I am trying to heal, to resurrect.
I wonder if the Beast of Terror tries to
kill our value of life so we want to turn away from it, as 30,646 do
But suicide has many forms. I
Will a child growing up with a battered self-image live life or become
its prisoner? Will he or she live in Fear, Intimidation
and Complacency? Or, will he or she break out into the
world of Courage, Conviction and Right Actions for the Children's
Will suicide or sacrifice be the
options? Will the child be guided to fight for the virtues of
life, to stand tall when all about him or her seems to be crumbling?
Or, will he or she duck and run, hide, cower, or simply deny the
responsibility to grow above the warts of life into the man or woman
of Vigilance he or she can be?
expectations attached to what others think of what I do
It took me
five decades to find Vigilance and, after only 888 days of embracing
it, part of me want to toss it aside. That part wants
to cut my Vigilance wrists and bleed out, let die that which I believe in the
most. That part, the Beast of Terror, wants me to base
life's values on the expectations I have as to what others think of what
I do, or what I am not doing that is "good" for me. The
Beast wants me to think if those expectations differ, and
overshadow those of my wife and I, I should surrender such values, for
they don't fit the norm. I am not providing. I am a
"failure" in other's eyes.
I argue, rightly or wrongly, it is not easy to be a Sentinel
of Vigilance, for one must face the flaws of his or her nature in the
process to strengthen them. Terrorism drives all its
victims to the same suicide pit eventually. It's called
Complacency. The Beast of Terror wants us to
all give up on our dreams, to slash our wrists of them, to poison our
thoughts about them, so they shrivel up and die. My critics
argue Complacency to provide is just as deadly as unfulfilled dreams
and unreasonable expectations.
is the goal of the Beast
dreams and hopes and beliefs in what can be is the goal of the Beast,
for the effort to dream and believe in spite of all the
discouragements creates Courage, Conviction and Right Actions.
The Beast cannot afford to have those flint stones sparking the tinder of
Vigilance. The spark and flames create light in the
darkness; it exposes the Beast.
Suicide or Sacrifice?
Vigilance or Terrorism?
Are they the same, or
Suicide is about giving up.
Sacrifice is about holding onto the most fragile of dreams, the most
threadbare of beliefs in something beyond one's self that benefits
I'll opt for sacrifice.
That way, I still have hope. The other option eliminates